"Where the fans really roar loud and proud"

[DocHoliday]

"No longer is the sharp, abrasive wit of the average football fan confined to the stands, as thousands of wannabe managers squander valuable working hours, mouse in hand, setting the world to rights."

Where the fans really roar loud and proud

Funny blog comment on football web forums.

[Inselaffe-Borussia-Fan]

"No longer is the sharp, abrasive wit of the average football fan confined to the stands, as thousands of wannabe managers squander valuable working hours, mouse in hand, setting the world to rights."

Where the fans really roar loud and proud

Funny blog comment on football web forums.

From the Guardian Doc? You further impress me! Even more if you know who the chuckle brothers are

If you really want the lowdown on the new Premiership season, forget Alan Hansen, Andy Gray and Richard Keys and head into the virtual football terraces. No longer is the sharp, abrasive wit of the average football fan confined to the stands, as thousands of wannabe managers squander valuable working hours, mouse in hand, setting the world to rights.

Outstanding literary titbits exist on every online forum of every team in Britain - unedited, honest, incendiary and sometimes hilarious views of everyday football fans, delivered without pomp and with unbearable amounts of blind prejudice.

Now there is no point in using forums as a realistic gauge for a team's forthcoming season, as misplaced enthusiasm is a prerequisite. Those packing into Arsenal sites are not daring to contemplate a finish outside the top three while the relegation favourites Derby County are leaving the drop-zone chat until Christmas, instead revelling in their unexpected "Premiersheep" status. Once the season kicks off, most forum chat will centre on results, or lack of them, but for now it is humour and bitterness that reign.

On redandwhitekop.co.uk there is genuine worry that Liverpool cannot triumph if Rafa keeps his goatee. It has been reasoned that facial hair simply does not win titles.

RedTerry is not so sure. He says success would be guaranteed if he grew a full beard and "rode a Steed up and down the touchline like a Conquistador giving the players orders for the battle ahead".

Staying with fashion, and sparks are flying from Chelsea fans' computers as they try to justify their horrendous new fluorescent yellow away kit. Harvs on cfcnet is going to get one "for cycling at night" while others suggest it is an eco-friendly move that will eliminate the need for floodlights at night matches. Be warned, Chelsea fans will turn up to games this season in Hi Vis.

The Carlos Tevez saga is the most discussed subject but I can find only one West Ham forum member who believes the Argentinian will still be in claret and blue next season, prompting Phill on westhamfans.org to request "a gallon of whatever he's drinking".

Man City fans are full of wit and wisdom when it comes to the lovable Joey Barton, who recently commented on his relationship breakdown with Stuart Pearce, stating, "he said things which he shouldn't have said". So what did Psycho say to upset him? One poster suggests it could have been, "Stop hitting Dabo". Many new songs are already in place for Joey's return to the City of Manchester stadium, among them a nice little number involving soap-on-a-rope and communal prison showers.

Torquay United fans probably have the most right to feel sorry for themselves but they are adopting a chin-up attitude following their drop into the Conference, reacting with glee to the news that they are fourth favourites to bounce back up, according to a poll on footballconference.co.uk. On closer examination, though, one astute forum member noticed that they polled behind Oxford Utd, York City and Other.

And what of the Leeds fans? Is there any humour left? Of course there is. In a "predictions" thread, Space Cadet Dave reckons that Ken Bates will become Katrina Bates after a trip to a Thai surgeon, coaching will be taken over by The Chuckle Brothers who will introduce a European passing style (to you, to me, to you, to me, to you), and that performance-enhancing drugs will be found in the dressing room but police will not prosecute any players on the grounds that they didn't work.

My No1 site has to be a Sunderland forum at readytogo.net. Black Cats fans have realised the futility of trying to predict their future and instead take to discussing anything and everything. "The Arctic Monkeys; are they the new Pepsi and Shirley?" caused a real ruckus. Then there is the subject thread entitled "Wrists poised, Kleenex at the ready", relating to the addition of Samantha Janus to the EastEnders cast. One fan pointed out such a practice would not be advisable as, at any time, the camera could cut to a close-up of Mo Harris.

Sunderland fans are now back in the same league as their bitter Toon rivals, who are cocksure that it will be a one-season affair. There is much scoffing on footymad's Newcastle United section, mostly centring on the £16m splashed on new players. Fitza reports that "Sunderland City Council is furious. There goes the contraception budget." Meanwhile AndyM1988 expertly predicts, "I'm going to be tooting on the Havanas come May."

Whatever you have to say, you can say it in a football forum. You are safe from the prawn sandwich brigade and surrounded by your own, which adds up to a heady mishmash of amusement and spitefulness.

[DocHoliday]

The Chuckle Brothers? I don't know them. Let's take at look at Wikipedia:



Oh, I get a picture...

[Inselaffe-Borussia-Fan]

The Chuckle Brothers? I don't know them. Let's take at look at Wikipedia:



Oh, I get a picture...

x 100!!! They are "entertainers" that make Mr.Bean seem like Shakespeare

Doc

[oldparish]

Chuckle Brothers,Doc.Leave well alone By the way,Doc,I'm also impressed with "The Gradian".It would be like me reading "Die Welt" without the mis-prints.It's a standing joke in this country,ain't it Ins?

[DocHoliday]

Isn't much to brag about. The English language is pervasive. School, university, job, mass media. Everywhere.

[oldparish]

Don't matter,I lived in Canada for two years(a long time ago) and I know French Canandians who could not and would not speak English.If I could speak your language as good as you speak English then I would be living in your country so I could watch Gladbach every week

[berti mac]

Isn't much to brag about. The English language is pervasive. School, university, job, mass media. Everywhere.

i heard that there were something like 1 million copies of the new Harry Potter book (in english) sold in germany last weekend. the german translation comes out in october.

BTW, the chuckle brothers = gary and phil neville?

[GigantGohouri]

BTW, the chuckle brothers = gary and phil neville?

Sure?

[Jacinta]

They aren't driving the Coke-Truck?